#intimacy

Toward Wholeness Blog

Divisive Creeds and Lovely Leaves: Autumn’s Instructions for finding our true identity

Richard Dahlstrom

Oct 12, 2019
3 min

Divisive Creeds and Lovely Leaves: Autumn’s Instructions for finding our true identity

A little research reveals why the colors change: because of changes in the length of daylight and changes in temperature, the leaves stop their food-making process. The chlorophyll breaks down, the green color disappears, and the yellow to orange colors become visible and give the leaves part of their fall splendor. The vibrant colors, it turns out, are a leaf’s truer identity. It’s covered through spring and summer, but just before dropping away, the veil of chlorophyll dr

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40 – thoughts on marriage after 40 years of it

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 13, 2019
5 min

40 – thoughts on marriage after 40 years of it

We’ve always tried to spend less than we make. Eat by candlelight as often as possible (even when you don’t want to. Sometimes just striking the match can be the trigger toward reconciliation after a disagreement) Remember the reasons you married. In my case, I said to her: “you make me laugh, you give me the freedom to fail, you’ll live anywhere in the world” She responded, “Anywhere but Los Angeles…” and after assuring her that that would never happen, we felt God’s call

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Richard Dahlstrom

Jul 19, 2018
4 min

The Sacred Art of Unlearning

My granddaughter moved in a few weeks ago. O yeah – my daughter and son-in-law moved in too, but I’m writing about my granddaughter because I was utterly surprised by her. I knew she’d be here, but had no idea how much she’d teach me because I’d forgotten about being a child. We bonded quickly and though I’m aware that I write shielded from the hard 24/7 work of discipline, care, and nurture that is parenting, I’m nonetheless seeing this small child, I believe, through a d

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Addressing Poverty – one by one by one by one

Richard Dahlstrom

Jun 30, 2018
4 min

Addressing Poverty – one by one by one by one

In the wake of the recent head tax hysteria in Seattle, I’ve been thinking a lot about Mother Teresa’s famous quote about poverty. Answering the question “Which is the poorest nation on earth?” in a very Mother Teresa-like manner, she said, “Yes, yes, yes. I have been to many countries and seen much poverty and suffering. Everywhere I go people tell me of their hardships and struggles, and ask for help, and I give what I can. But of all the countries I have been to, the poore

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Leadership Beneath the Surface: Paying attention to the Invisible

Richard Dahlstrom

Jan 25, 2018
5 min

Leadership Beneath the Surface: Paying attention to the Invisible

This stuff has value. This stuff has limited value. It has value because everyone could use a motivational shot in the arm, a reminder that God has created each of us, whether pastors, stay at home moms & dads, code writers, marketers, health care workers, teachers, artists – we’re all made by God with gifts to contribute to this broken world. We’re all made for influence. These leadership tools are valuable too, because influence is never automatic in life. Influence is th

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Steal, Kill, and Destroy – stealing our unity

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 7, 2017
4 min

Steal, Kill, and Destroy – stealing our unity

I understand that the literalists will have a problem with Rohr’s statement, but the point is essentially accurate: Our divisions are mostly losses, not gains. Since Jesus made unity a climactic request in his final prayer, taking steps toward reconciliation, unity, and love for all people, is perhaps one of the most important things we can be doing. Here are some recent thoughts toward that end: Here’s a manifesto on unity. I spoke it the week after Charlottesville in

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Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 4, 2017
3 min

38 thoughts on Marriage after 38 years.

My wife and I celebrated 38 years of married life yesterday. Here are 38 thoughts on what’s contributed to our marriage not just surviving, but thriving. Enjoy, and please feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments section. Thanks to all of you who’ve walked with us over various sections of our path! still smiling after 38 years of journeying together 1. we had specific reasons for marrying each other, and through times of difficulty, it’s helped to remember those

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Vicarious vs. Experience: Not Even Close

Richard Dahlstrom

Jun 9, 2017
4 min

Vicarious vs. Experience: Not Even Close

They would, in other words, rather look on a relationship from the outside, experiencing the hollow thrill of being an observer, rather than jumping into the deep end of real intimacy in their own lives. This is a sort of primitive pornography, not in the sense that they’re viewing explicit love making but in the more critical sense that they’re voyouristic and vicarious rather than involved and intimate. Apparently the escapist fantasy route has always been an option. Tod

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37 Years married and Still Enjoying Eros: Here’s How

Richard Dahlstrom

May 31, 2017
1 min

37 Years married and Still Enjoying Eros: Here’s How

God affirms eros. Healthy eros requires a cocktail of practices on a regular basis, including affirmation, invitation, respecting each other’s boundaries, and a commitment to serving the other. These ingredients aren’t possible in casual hook-ups, let alone pornographic stimulation via a fabricated fantasy world. There’s a book in the Bible about sexual love, because God affirms it. There’s only one book in the Bible about sexual love because it is a part of life, but isn’t

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Idol Busting and Fire Walking – the power of right habits

Richard Dahlstrom

Apr 4, 2017
4 min

Idol Busting and Fire Walking – the power of right habits

“Nebuchadnezzar said to them: “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: Is it true that you don’t serve my gods or worship the gold statue I’ve set up? If you are now ready to do so, bow down and worship the gold statue I’ve made when you hear the sound of horn, pipe, zither, lyre, harp, flute, and every kind of instrument. But if you won’t worship it, you will be thrown straight into the furnace of flaming fire. Then what god will rescue you from my power?” Shadrach, Meshach, and Ab

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Richard Dahlstrom

Oct 21, 2016
3 min

A letter to men:

Words matter. Mr. Trump spoke on the bus about making unwanted sexual advances and literally grabbing women. He spoke to Howard Stern about walking uninvited into dressing rooms at beauty pageants (a word confirmed by beauty pageant participants). He has spoken numerous times throughout his campaign about the appearance of women, objectifying and judging them. “Locker room talk,” he says. He’s “Sorry. But Mister Clinton was worse.” Let’s take a look at two things that have c

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Marriage: 37 Lessons from 37 Years of Experience

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 9, 2016
6 min

Marriage: 37 Lessons from 37 Years of Experience

still smiling after 37 years of journeying together Thirty seven years is a long time, and yesterday my wife and I were able to celebrate that time marker as the length of marriage. This is something that brings us both pride and gratitude, but more gratitude than pride. We realize that we’ve been largely healthy, and at least one of has been employed, the whole time. We have much cause for thanks, because of the lives we’ve been given. Still, 37 years is a big deal and

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Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 2, 2015
5 min

Immigration and the Better Shelter

“when the raft in the ocean is safer than our home, we’ll go” With the train station closed in Budapest, over 70 dead in a truck on the side of the road in Austria, millions in refugee camps, and talk of building a wall between the United States and Mexico, perhaps one thing the entire world can agree on is that we have an immigration problem. Consensus ends there, however, as robust debates unfold in both the EU and USA regarding what should be done with the ocean of sufferi

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“Godspell” – Musings on the power of Art in God’s World

Richard Dahlstrom

Aug 21, 2015
4 min

“Godspell” – Musings on the power of Art in God’s World

I’m 19 and a good friend had landed the part of Jesus in Godspell, so he invites me to see him on opening night. It’s been two years since my dad has died, and this winter of my 19th year is the winter of my discontent. I’m lonely, because high school’s over and my cadre of friends have scattered. My future’s radically uncertain as I’ve applied for admittance to architecture school, but only one in six students will get in. Since my self confidence is in the toilet, I’m c

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While you were living…the unconscious nature of transformation

Richard Dahlstrom

Jul 6, 2015
6 min

While you were living…the unconscious nature of transformation

Schladming for a little bit of rest before I head up to England for a week of speaking at Capernwray Hall. The week is a break in the midst of what has been a very busy time, both at home and on the road. Because I’m here without obligations or responsibilities, I hadn’t anticipated that the Spring Bible School students would still be here, but as it turns out, today is their last day. What this means is that they’ll spend their morning worshiping, praying, and sharing tog

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How the West was Lost – One Reason the church is Dying in America and why a “mixed drink

Richard Dahlstrom

May 17, 2015
5 min

How the West was Lost – One Reason the church is Dying in America and why a “mixed drink

this video (or the print version of the article) reveals a trend in the United States whereby a larger and larger percentage of the populace move toward the “religiously unaffiliated” category. The trend is happening across every age demographic, but is particularly pointed among millennials. In the wake of the survey results, there’s been no shortage of diagnostics offered, and further dicing of the data. Words have spent explaining why: Homosexuality. Science. The cree

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Richard Dahlstrom

Apr 14, 2015
3 min

Steps to Peace, Jesus Style (part 2)

We know the Bible, the words on scroll, know it like the back of our hands. But the Bible doesn’t bring peace. Neither does institutional religion, your 401(k), a great alarm system, life insurance, or enough guns in your house or your government to obliterate every enemy. Have these things or don’t have them; that’s your call—but know that they’re not what brings peace. Peace, we saw last time, is a person. But there’s a bit more to it than that, because we can sit aroun

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Revival Story… My Loss and Recovery of Love

Richard Dahlstrom

Mar 21, 2015
4 min

Revival Story… My Loss and Recovery of Love

Truth be told though, the ocean of details can conspire with my own Type A personality and propensity to get anxious about stuff, and “Poof!”—I’m still doing all the stuff, but Christ and his peace are no longer in my sense of reality, having been displaced by that worst of all things: religious professionalism. The slide into this territory is so subtle you don’t even notice it, because the words don’t change a bit—you still sound as holy as ever to onlookers, and so you ac

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Setting Your Sights Higher: Why “Right Intentions” Matter so much

Richard Dahlstrom

Mar 3, 2015
4 min

Setting Your Sights Higher: Why “Right Intentions” Matter so much

“Come up to the Lord, you and Aaron, Nadab and Abihu and seventy of the elders of Israel, and you shall worship at a distance. Moses alone, however, shall come near to the Lord, but they shall not come near, nor shall the people come up with him.” Exodus 24:1,2 The climbers are in the mix with the masses, but not for long. They get their permit from a little office, use the bathroom, maybe grab one last taste of actual food for a few days, and that’s it, they’re gone, head

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Three Ways Sabbath practice will help you become whole.

Richard Dahlstrom

Feb 14, 2015
4 min

Three Ways Sabbath practice will help you become whole.

“all who are thirsty…” Yesterday I spent some time in what is slowly becoming a sabbath routine for this season of life. My wife and I packed a small lunch and some extra clothes in our backpacks and took off for a day of hiking. In a normal year it would be a ski day, but this is not a normal year. All the snow is over in Boston, and here where we normally get over 400 inches a year, the ski hills are brown brush; so we hike. As we hike, we talk about life. It’s become m

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