#relationships

Toward Wholeness Blog

40 – thoughts on marriage after 40 years of it

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 13, 2019
5 min

40 – thoughts on marriage after 40 years of it

We’ve always tried to spend less than we make. Eat by candlelight as often as possible (even when you don’t want to. Sometimes just striking the match can be the trigger toward reconciliation after a disagreement) Remember the reasons you married. In my case, I said to her: “you make me laugh, you give me the freedom to fail, you’ll live anywhere in the world” She responded, “Anywhere but Los Angeles…” and after assuring her that that would never happen, we felt God’s call

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Richard Dahlstrom

Jul 19, 2018
4 min

The Sacred Art of Unlearning

My granddaughter moved in a few weeks ago. O yeah – my daughter and son-in-law moved in too, but I’m writing about my granddaughter because I was utterly surprised by her. I knew she’d be here, but had no idea how much she’d teach me because I’d forgotten about being a child. We bonded quickly and though I’m aware that I write shielded from the hard 24/7 work of discipline, care, and nurture that is parenting, I’m nonetheless seeing this small child, I believe, through a d

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Awakening the Feminine Voice in the Church – What it means and Why it Matters

Richard Dahlstrom

Apr 7, 2018
4 min

Awakening the Feminine Voice in the Church – What it means and Why it Matters

The equivalent of 5 jumbo jets worth of women die in labor each day… life time risk of maternal death is 1,000x higher in a poor country than in the west. That should be an international scandal. In the nineteenth century, the central moral challenge was slavery. In the twentieth century, it was the battle against totalitarianism. We believe that in this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality around the world – all quotes by Nicholas D.

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Richard Dahlstrom

Oct 17, 2017
4 min

#metoo

Thanks be to God, the tide is turning. Bill Clinton and Anthony Weiner occurred at a time when they were viewed as isolated incidents years and decades ago, and presidential liaisons before that were hushed up completely. But the rapid recent succession of Donald Trump, Bill O Reily, Roger Ailes, and now the Weinstein situation have brought the issue out onto the mainstage of culture, front and center. That’s good news, but only if we respond rightly and become part of th

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Beauty, Beast, and the Gospel of Identity

Richard Dahlstrom

Mar 28, 2017
3 min

Beauty, Beast, and the Gospel of Identity

Christians are outraged over a movie, it’s nearly certain that, not only will I like it, but that there will be an element of the gospel clearly presented. It happened years ago with Avatar. Now it’s happened again with Disney’s new version of “Beauty and Beast”. Though I didn’t want to go because our pre-purchased tickets collided with an important basketball game on TV (yes – I’m that shallow), it was a family event, and I was persuaded it was “the right thing to do”. M

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The Gifts of Christmas #5 – Shepherd, Provider, Gift Giver

Richard Dahlstrom

Dec 24, 2016
4 min

The Gifts of Christmas #5 – Shepherd, Provider, Gift Giver

Over 37 years, two stockings have become ten. JOY! It was in the late summer of 1976 when I first made my way north to Seattle, Washington. I was headed to a new college, having changed my major from architecture to music. I drove up from California and every mile north of Sacramento was new territory for me. I’ll never forget seeing downtown for the first time and being overwhelmed by it’s beauty. It’s proximity to the the water, it’s view of the mountains, the relativel

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Lessons I’m learning in 2016 #2 – Loving My Neighbors, a mile at a time

Richard Dahlstrom

Jan 30, 2016
4 min

Lessons I’m learning in 2016 #2 – Loving My Neighbors, a mile at a time

5200 vertical = a mile of blessing and transformation January 18th was my 60th birthday and it was more than just a great day. It was an awakening. The day unfolded differently than I’d anticipated. Early rising, intense exercise, and solitude were the anticipated words of the day because these are things that, for most of my life, I’ve assumed to be life giving and energizing. They’re the things I usually choose, or have been prone to choose. I don’t know if it’s the 60

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Richard Dahlstrom

Jan 5, 2015
7 min

The gains that come from loss

As the cemetery comes into view on this spectacular January afternoon, I feel as if I’m being transported back in time, because this little piece of geography is so ripe with memories that all the feelings attending those memories flood to the surface, unbidden. I see the canopy where the graveside service will take place, but we’re early; early enough that we’ve time for a little drive. I head out, a bit further from the center of Kingsburg, to the land my grandpa farmed,

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“Boots on the Ground – Or Heads in the Clouds” – The biggest challenge Chris

Richard Dahlstrom

Oct 11, 2014
4 min

“Boots on the Ground – Or Heads in the Clouds” – The biggest challenge Chris

In two weeks I’ll be home, preparing to meet people in the church I lead who I haven’t seen in nearly three months. Their priceless gift of a sabbatical has blessed me with a rare opportunity for extended time away from church life, American culture, and the day-to-day responsibilities of my job. As a result, I’ll return restored spiritually and emotionally, refreshed and stronger physically (up to around 500k in hiking, running mileage now), and challenged. I’m challenged

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“Five Values for Sustainable Leadership”, vital for churches, families, calling (part 1)

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 21, 2014
4 min

“Five Values for Sustainable Leadership”, vital for churches, families, calling (part 1)

Will you still be using your gifts at 83 like Fred Beckey is here? I hope so. My predecessor at the church I lead in Seattle served that community for 38 years. The farmers in these high Alps have held the same land, stewarding the soil and shepherding the flocks entrusted to them, for generations. Fred Beckey is still climbing in his 90’s, in the mountains he’s been exploring since 1936. And yes, there are healthy marriages where spouses are still in love, having been fa

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Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 19, 2014
2 min

Last Journey’s the Best

It’s our last hike, the end of our forty days trekking through the Alps together. I’ll begin teaching next week and thinking about re-entry to life in Seattle, while my wife will spend the weekend with friends, retrieving sheep from the high Alps in anticipation of upcoming snows. Our final trek will take us to Guttenberghaus, significant for its beauty, and its proximity to the Torchbearer Bible school where I teach because I can see this hut, perched high in the Dachstein

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Strength and Beauty are Vital – and Vital to Redefine

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 10, 2014
3 min

Strength and Beauty are Vital – and Vital to Redefine

Less anticipated, though, was the extent to which the aesthetics of Alpine hospitality would so bless us. Little things, like a welcome sign Finally though, and most important, I’ve discovered a different kind of beauty that’s robust and life giving. It came as a surprise though, sneaking up on me on Sunday afternoon. Donna and I had come out of the high country and were staying in a wonderful hotel in a small village that we’d accidentally stumbled upon. We’d stashed our

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Richard Dahlstrom

Aug 11, 2014
4 min

Fiercely Interdependent

My sunglasses had disappeared the night before, and this, along with some other things, meant that we were nearly the last people to leave the hut, starting our hiking at 7:45. We immediately caught a ridge, already high above treeline, and began making our way south and up. Up. Up! Up!! This kind of travel is taxing in every way, both physically and mentally. As a result, we didn’t make good time at all – the first 5.5 kilometers taking a full 5 hours to complete! That would

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Richard Dahlstrom

Aug 11, 2014
4 min

Fiercely Interdependent

Fiercely Interdependent – My sunglasses had disappeared the night before, and this, along with some other things, meant that we were nearly the last people to leave the hut, starting our hiking at 7:45. We immediately caught a ridge, already high above treeline, and began making our way south and up. Up. Up! Up!! This is the section of the via-Alpina about which we know absolutely nothing, having only the map, but no narrative description due to our change of plans stemming f

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“A different plan” – Three Postures you need when Change Comes Knocking

Richard Dahlstrom

Jul 14, 2014
5 min

“A different plan” – Three Postures you need when Change Comes Knocking

It was supposed to be the Cascades… I spoke with a couple last week who lost their child to cancer at the age of six. As we talked of loss, change and challenge, she reminded me that about 85% of the marriages where a child suffers a disability end in divorce. This, I presume, is because of the tremendous gap between how we thought life would unfold, and how it actually unfolds. Where’s your gap? Job change, or joblessness? Health challenges? A relationship evaporating b

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Richard Dahlstrom

Jun 3, 2014
4 min

Postcard from Fresno…

I process by writing… and I’m here in Fresno because my mom’s resting, and ready to go home and be with Jesus. Here’s what I’m thinking while she sleeps. I’m sitting in the dining hall at the retirement center in Fresno, needing to study for Sunday, but finding it hard to do so. Instead I’m thinking about the inevitability of loss, the profound joy of life, and how any attempts to separate the one from the other will always have the affect of making us hollow, shallow caric

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Killing the Power Play – Lessons from World Vision and Church History

Richard Dahlstrom

Apr 2, 2014
7 min

Killing the Power Play – Lessons from World Vision and Church History

gotta kill the power play It’s been over week now since World Vision acted, the Evangelical world reacted, and hundreds of us wrote about it. This morning, I’m enjoying some coffee and reading John 9, which is a story about a blind guy Jesus heals with spit and mud on some random Saturday. This leads to some intense questioning and right there in the middle of it all we read this: Then some of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God because he does not observe the Sa

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Practical Advice for Maximizing Your University Experience

Richard Dahlstrom

Oct 1, 2013
3 min

Practical Advice for Maximizing Your University Experience

The NY Times had a great little read recently called, “Ditch Your Laptop – Dump your Boyfriend” filled with good, practical advice on how to make the most of your college years. If you’re in college, or know someone who is, I’d recommend reading it. The article started me thinking about what I’d want to offer students and I came up with a short list. Since my list is incomplete, I hope some of you will add your own contributions by adding comments to this post. Thanks! So

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Naked and Not Ashamed: Steps in our pursuit of intimacy

Richard Dahlstrom

Sep 25, 2012
4 min

Naked and Not Ashamed: Steps in our pursuit of intimacy

NOTE TO MY READERS: I’m going to be moving my blog away from the Patheos website that presently hosts it, so if you’d like to be apprised of my posts and join the conversations, feel free to subscribe by clicking over there on the right. Thanks! Isolation and our longings to connect would go on to saturate thoughtful music and film, beginning with Ordinary People, and continuing on with Fight Club, Garden State, Lost in Translation, and Goodwill Hunting. Loneliness and isol

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